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Demo(n)s
Doublesion: Cannibal surgery
22/03/10 || Altmer
Ok. It’s demo time for Altmer, and your regular staffer doesn’t usually like demos. Shittily produced, DIY metal – what are the odds it won’t suck? About as much chance as a whore on duty, that’s the odds, I’m telling you. In this coverage, we are talking about an Italian band called Doublesion. I don’t know what the fuck Doublesion means. I think it may mean “electronics” in Italian because these fuckers sure seem to like their electronics.
You see, this is electronic dildo metal with absolutely atrocious song titles such as “Psycotic dinner”, “Come eaten” and “At your arms leave”. I’m pretty sure these fuckers need some courses in English first before they make it into the big time because the titles are just… wow. I’m impressed at how terrible that is. The demo title is a staggering work of genius, too. “Cannibal surgery”. I don’t know what I am supposed to imagine here but I’m pretty positive Hannibal Lecter being cut open on his own table isn’t it. Then again it might be the cannibal performing surgery, in which case it would actually make some sort of sense. But still be laughable and funny. And maybe suit a gory death metal band, but not this music.
The music, however, ain’t too bad, apart from the vocals. It’s electronic black metal, taking nods from such bands as Samael, which isn’t something I have that much of a problem with. There’s no real structure to the songs, yet it’s listenable at least and it won’t irritate the fucking fuck out of me, so that’s one good thing. The drum machines are a bit annoying, so marks off for that. The vocals are terrible and this music would probably be better off instrumental because the lyrics are the height of lame, and the incredibly crappy Italian accent doesn’t help. If you can’t sing or write lyrics, don’t do it. Being instrumental is all-fine then. At the end of the demo he tries some pig-style vocals and it’s almost as awful as the half-spoken half-growled style vocals he does at the beginning. That makes the music turn from mediocre to unlistenable instantly, which is a pity because as long as this idiot is doing the singing the actually ok-ish music is going to get obscured here.
This is pasta metal. It is easy to make, goes in one orifice and out the other, and most of the time it doesn’t suck horribly enough to make you vomit, but it isn’t the most exquisite thing you’ve ever had. This is something that nobody has any reason to ever put on again, even though it’s not all that horrible. Put simply, kill the vocals, learn how to speak English, and write less mediocre songs (choruses/verses/song structure are not distinguishable at all) and we might get somewhere here. But at least it didn’t make me vomit like I thought it might, so that’s a good thing I guess, and I’ll go easy on it for that reason. But don’t worry, even though you don’t suck as much as, say, Freedom Call, it doesn’t mean you don’t suck.
- Information
- Released: 2008
- Label: Fog Foundation
- Website: Doublesion MySpace
- Band
- Dr. Fullmoon: head physician
- Dr. Viktor Blank: doctor
- Dr. Frank J.P.: doctor
- Wolfgang: patient
- Tsade: patient
- Dino F: patient
- Gemini: patient
- Tracklist
- 01. Come eaten
- 02. Psycotic dinner
- 03. Your doktor in my staff
- 04. At your arms leave
- 05. Suffocation
